Women, It Matters Who You Marry


(Photo credit: Lel4nd)

This past week, as I wrapped up our series Beautiful at Revolution, I preached on Proverbs 31. If you missed it, you can listen to it here.

One of the things that struck me is verse 23 when we are told what her husband is like.

There are many sides and applications to this verse.

The first is to women. I’ll blog another time about fathers and the impact of this verse.

In our culture, we often minimize the impact that comes from who we marry. Whether it is movies, the rise in divorce, the lack of seeing strong marriages as we grow up, but whatever it is, many people seem to minimize the impact of this decision.

Outside of your choice to follow Jesus, who you marry will have more of an impact on your life than any other decision you make.

The woman in Proverbs 31 marries well. She marries a man who is respected. He is at the city gates, with the elders. The gates is where decisions are made. He is part of leading the city and community. He is respected by the others.

Women, if you want marry well, marry a man who is respected by other men.

Men respect men.

Don’t marry a guy you think you will make into a man. That doesn’t happen.

How do you know if you are dating a man or a boy? Here are few ways to find out:

  1. Get him around men you respect. Men can spot men. They can also spot a fake. Women can struggle with this because they fall for a boy and can’t see the truth. Those around you can. Ask men you respect what they think of him. This might be a father, a pastor, someone in your MC, someone who cares about you and wants to see you find a man.
  2. Ask him about his vision for his life. This one question separates men from boys. Men have a vision for their life, which means they will have a vision for your life as a couple. Boys do not. They are simply floating through life waiting for it to happen.
  3. Look at how he worships. Does he read his bible? Does he serve in a church? Does he love Jesus? How does he worship? How does he use his money? How he does these things while you date is exactly what he’ll do when you are married. Most of the time, men will take these things down a notch when they get married, but that’s a post for another day.
  4. Look at his work ethic. Does he have a job? Does he provide for himself? Is he saving money or getting into debt? Men work hard. Men are called to provide (1 Timothy 5:8).

Ladies, marry well.

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Monday Morning Mind Dump…

mind dump

  • Yesterday was such a great day for me and at Revolution
  • After 3 weeks off from preaching (2 that were planned and 1 that wasn’t), I got to preach
  • I love that part of my job and miss it when I don’t do it
  • I wrapped up our series Breathing Room with a very personal sermon on how to balance work, life and relationships
  • If you missed it, you can listen to it here 
  • So excited though for what is next for our church
  • My wife Katie and I will be teaching the next 3 weeks together as we kick off our series Beautiful
  • The more I read on women and body image, the sadder I get because it is so far away from what Scripture says about women
  • Body image, modesty, thinking rightly of yourself and those around you, treating each person correctly is something men and women struggle with
  • Yet, the truth of how we are to live in this area is laid out in the very first verse about men and women in the Bible
  • In fact, it is one of the most used and quoted bible verse, it is one that most people know and yet very few actually believe
  • After we finish Beautiful we will kick off a 4 week series called Fight
  • So excited to talk about manhood for 4 weeks
  • I get to do a wedding this Friday night
  • Love being a part of the beginning of a couple’s life together
  • The party of the reception isn’t a bad thing either
  • Started reading Simon Sinek’s new book Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t, really good
  • I loved his first book Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action
  • His new one is a little slower than his first one, but then his first one was pretty ground breaking
  • Still a good one though
  • I realize that doesn’t sound like a great recommendation
  • Just finished working with an editor to finish up my book proposal
  • This has been a long 2 year process to reach one of my life goals
  • We’ll know soon enough if it is going anywhere
  • Say a prayer for Revolution as we kick off Beautiful on Sunday
  • I believe these next 3 weeks have the potential to be incredibly freeing to a lot of women (and men)
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Top 13 of 2013

In case you missed them last week, I shared my top 13 of 2013 lists:

The Top Blog Posts of 2013

This has been a week of sharing my “Best of” lists.

It started with the top sermon downloads from Revolution Church, then my almost best books & almost best albums of the year. Then I shared my favorite books and favorite albums of 2013. Today is the last list: the top blog posts of the year. To make this list, it had to be a blog post published in 2013, of which there were thousands to choose from. One of the things I love about this list is how many blog posts Katie wrote (which is a new addition to my blog this year).

Here they are:

13. I Can’t Compete With Your Perfectly Coiffed Hair & other Perfections

12. What Now for our Family (And How You can Be a Part of our Lives Now)

11. Adoption Trip Update #3

10. What do Stay-at-Home Mom’s Do All Day?

9. The Most Important Minutes to a Guest on a Sunday Morning

8. The Five Stages of Discipleship

7. My Arms are Too Short

6. The Power of Habit

5. Bring our Child Home from Ethiopia & Serve a Widow

4. Meeting our Son who we Didn’t Know Much About…

3. What our Family Does on Halloween

2. 21 Skills of Great Preachers

And the most read blog post of 2013 was:

1. Finding an Accountability Partner as a Pastor

Your Input Please | Best Albums of 2013


It’s almost the end of the year. If you are new to my blogyou may not know that at the end of the year I share my favorite albums and books of the year. You can see pasts lists here.

Before giving you my list of favorite albums of 2013, I’d love to hear what were your favorite albums of the year. Unlike the book list, to make my favorite albums of the year list, it must be an album released in that year (ie. 2013).

So, in the comment section, fire away and share with us your favorite albums of the past year. I’ll share my list next week.


Monday Morning Mind Dump… [Afternoon Edition]

mind dump

  • It has been a busy few weeks in our house
  • Today is day 9 of having Judah home
  • Still hard to believe that he is here and that our long journey is almost done
  • We’ve been blown away by how helpful everyone has been
  • Especially in bringing meals
  • If you’d like to do that, here’s a link to sign up
  • If you’re curious how things are going or how you can support and help us now that he is home, read this
  • Yesterday was a long day for me
  • Had church in the morning, which was awesome
  • Blown away by all that is in the gospel of John as we’ve preached through it
  • It is one thing reading through a book as you prepare to preach compared to preaching through it
  • Love how things line up and are relevant to my life and the rest of my church
  • If you missed yesterday as I talked about how God grows us through our pain, you can listen to it here
  • Last night, I performed a wedding for some good friends from Revolution
  • Love being a part of weddings
  • It was also Judah’s first big excursion and he did awesome
  • He loved all the lights and decorations they had up for the evening wedding
  • So much fun to sit, talk and laugh with good friends at the reception
  • I started a new workout program last week
  • I’m taking a break from the typical crossfit workouts and trying a 10 week strength program
  • Pretty excited to see how it goes as the results are supposed to be insane
  • I got through week 1 last week and needless to say, it was brutal
  • Pretty excited that this week is halloween
  • Why?
  • It’s one of the best weeks of the year to be on mission
  • For the only night of the year, your entire neighborhood will be outside, walking around and stopping at your house
  • What an opportunity
  • Here’s how you can capitalize on it
  • I’ve been working my way through Mark Driscoll’s new book
  • Tons of great content for leaders
  • Personally, I’m saddened by how he has handled himself in recent weeks, really undermines his message of unity he tries to put forth in the book
  • Look for a review soon
  • A mind dump wouldn’t be complete without mentioning my Steelers
  • Blown away how bad we are
  • Wow

Q: What Would You Tell Someone Who is Getting Married?

I’ve done 3 weddings in the last 5 weeks and at each one I’ve been asked by the couple, “What would you tell us as we get started?” Here are a few answers that Katie and I have given (in no particular order):

  • Be honest and ready to deal with your junk. Everyone brings baggage to their marriage, more than they think they are bringing. It will all come out in the first few years of your marriage, often it will include things you didn’t know were there or forgot about or didn’t think were a big deal. When it comes up, deal with it, don’t sweep it under the rug.
  • Date your spouse. This will get harder when you have kids so start as quickly as possible. Often newly married couples laugh at this because they think they’ll just keep on dating, but once you get married you will be surprised at how quickly you end up spending most of your evenings sitting on the couch watching TV if you aren’t strategic.
  • Your first year will probably be the hardest year of your marriage. Anyone who is married isn’t surprised that almost 50% of divorces happen in the first 2 years of marriage. Many couples enter marriage blind to how much work it will be. Couples that have a happy marriage and celebrate 20 years together are not luckier than other couples, they just worked harder.

Saturday Night Mind Dump…

  • Had a long, but great week in Tacoma, WA at Soma Communities.
  • Mike and I were up there for some more training and to connect with other leaders from around the country.
  • Seeing where Soma and other churches are makes me very excited about the future of Revolution.
  • It has been cool hearing from other pastors in Tucson and other states asking questions about missional communities and wanting to learn more about what Revolution is doing. I love the opportunity we have to serve other churches and leaders and help them move the gospel forward.
  • While I hate being away, getting back into the swing of things is always difficult.
  • It was great having the night off from preaching at Revolution.
  • I heard Mike hit it out of the park tonight, pretty excited to check out the podcast.
  • I also heard the band killed it. Love how more and more artists are being developed at Revolution.
  • We kicked off our Christmas offering tonight.
  • Our goal is to raise $11,000 for church planting in hopes of moving the gospel forward in Tucson.
  • On the plane I read Henry Cloud’s new book Necessary Endings. Really, really good.
  • While it was great having a break tonight, a week off always makes me excited about preaching.
  • I’m continuing our Titus series next week and talking about how the gospel shows itself in our homes, neighborhoods, dating, marriages and being single.
  • We all preach a gospel in those areas, the question is if it is one centered on us and our culture, or Jesus.
  • It is going to be a powerful night.
  • One of the cool things over the last few weeks for me is hearing from our MC leaders about how their communities are gelling and people are striving to live on mission and build relationships in their worlds.
  • If you haven’t gotten into one, you need to stop waiting and get into one.
  • For me, one of the relationships Katie and I have been developing has led to me performing a wedding tomorrow.
  • I’d definitely appreciate your prayers as I preach the gospel at this wedding, knowing that there will be very few Christians there.
  • Grateful for the opportunity.
  • Needing a huge win from my Steelers tomorrow and my fantasy team to get back into the playoff hunt.
  • Should be a fun filled day.
  • Weddings are always a blast.

Wedding Gifts and Adoption

I shared this last week on our adoption blog, but wanted to make sure it got out there. I found this on Jason Kovacs blog about a couple getting married and how they are helping their friends who are adopting from Ghana. I love hearing stories like this!

[HT: Christian Alliance]

Saturday Night Mind Dump…

  • Felt really disjointed tonight
  • It was one of those nights as a communicator that you wonder if you are connecting
  • Definitely I felt the weight of what I do and the warfare that goes along with preaching
  • One of the nice things about social media is that I get to hear on Saturday night all the things that God is doing in people’s lives
  • On the nights I feel like I’ve done the worse, those are the nights that God seems to do the most
  • Never ceases to amaze me
  • My talk tonight was all about freedom, freedom to become all that God intends you to become
  • If you missed tonight, you can listen to it here
  • We had a baptism tonight, which I always love in the service
  • I love hearing the stories of what God has done in people’s lives
  • Reminds me how amazing grace really is and how powerful it is
  • If you want to see pictures from tonight’s baptism, you can see them on our fan page
  • Spent the week in Phoenix with Katie for the Acts 29 boot camp and our assessment to join Acts 29
  • It was an awesome week, really affirming and I can’t wait for Revolution to be an Acts 29 church
  • If you’d like to see my notes from the conference, go here
  • I took the plunge this week and got the Logos sermon software, can’t wait to start using it
  • On top of that, my sister is getting me an iPad
  • So excited
  • My goal this week is to write the study guide for our next series that starts in January called “Give. Me. Faith.” on the book of James
  • I’m doing a wedding tomorrow, always love being a part of a wedding
  • What is cool is that I baptized Johnny and Eliz tonight and tomorrow I get to perform their wedding
  • Coming out of a really busy season, definitely looking forward to the next few weeks as they are not as crazy
  • Our leadership team would appreciate your prayers this week as we are working through our 2011 budget
  • Need to finish watching the Arizona game, fix my fantasy teams and eat some cookie dough
  • Good ending to a great day