Saturday Afternoon Book Review || The Shepherd Leader at Home

book

One of the books that I read as I worked on my What He must be… sermon at Revolution Church was The Shepherd Leader at Home: Knowing, Leading, Protection and Providing for Your Family (kindle version) by Timothy Witmer.

Here are a few things that jumped out to me:

  • If you are married, in order to accomplish what God has called you to do, you must understand that each of you brings strengths and weakness to the relationship for the benefit of one another and for the marriage.
  • Marriage is designed by God to be your primary human relationship.
  • The Hebrew word for sexual intimacy is the word translated “know.” Knowing your wife in the comprehensive biblical sense includes a relational union that implies physical, spiritual, and emotional oneness.
  • Wherever you find marital failure, you will find a breakdown in real communication. Wherever you find marital success, you will find a good communication system.
  • The objective of leaders is to influence their followers to accomplish their respective missions.
  • Marriage is a call to die to self, and a man who does not die for his wife does not come close to the love to which he is called.
  • The bible has a very high view of women. This can be seen from the very beginning, where creation itself was not deemed complete until the woman was made.
  • Those in leadership are always called upon to use that leadership for the benefit of those called to submit.
  • For a wife, following her husband’s leadership is an important aspect of following Christ.
  • When we submit to our spouses, we are once again agreeing with God that His beautiful ordered plan is worth obeying and the mystery worth preserving. By so doing we once again acknowledge that Jesus is Lord.
  • Part of the wife’s discipleship to Christ is to respect the position of her husband in the home.
  • Christ’s love is unconditional. There was nothing about you or me that deserved or required Christ’s love. Quite the contrary. Not only did we not love him, but also we were heading the opposite direction in our sin. It was the classic case of unrequited love. This is why our relationship with him is solely by his grace. Our love for our wives must be unconditional as well.
  • Christ’s love was sacrificial. To what extent did Jesus love the church? he gave himself completely for her. His coming was to give himself in selfless service.
  • The man who sanctifies his wife understands that this is his divinely ordained responsibility…Is my wife more like Christ because she is married to me? Or is she like Christ in spite of me? Has she shrunk from his likeness because of me? Do I sanctify her or hold her back? Is she a better woman because she is married to me?
  • You will show your love for your wife as you support her maternal instinct to nurture your children.
  • One sure way to fail is to fail to love her. Your number one responsibility, humanly speaking, is to love your wife to the extent that she has absolutely not doubts about it. Your expressions of love must be demonstrable and practical.
  • Another way to have a frustrated wife is to fail to lead. Christian wives hope that their husbands will be godly leaders. They hope that you will take the initiative.
  • The Lord created husbands with an innate sense of responsibility to provide materially for their families. Remember that work is part of the Lord’s original design for mankind. The newly created Adam was placed in the garden and charged with tending it (Genesis 2:15).
  • The happiest and holiest children in the world are the children whose fathers succeed in winning both their tender affection and their reverential and loving fear. And they are children who will come to understand most easily the mystery of the fatherhood of God.
  • The practice of participation with our children is an expression of the same principle. We get to know people by doing things with them.
  • Use your words to build up, not to tear down. If there’s anyone from whom your children should expect a word of encouragement, it should be you.
  • Communication is multi-faceted and richly textured. It must include encouragement, correction, rebuke, entreaty, instruction, warning, understanding, teaching, and prayer. All these must be part of your interaction with your children.
  • Your relationship with your children now sets the trajectory of how they will relate to you for the rest of your life. If you are unapproachable when they are at home, don’t expect them to be eager to approach you as adults. If you are highly critical of them as children, don’t expect them to be coming to you later for advice. But if you are ready and willing to talk to them when they are young, they will seek you out when they need advice as adults. Remember that you are not sowing the seeds of what you will reap from your adult children for the rest of your lives.
  • Whether you like it or not, you are the model for what they will be like when they become parents themselves. When you show your children that they are a priority, you are setting a good example for them when they have families of their own. If children are seen as hindrances by parents, this attitude is reproduced when they become parents.
  • You as their earthly dad are laying the foundation for their relationship with their heavenly father. You are their first exposure to a relationship of authority in the world. How you develop that relationship and wield that authority will either help or harm their view of God. There are countless examples of people who have difficulty embracing a loving heavenly Father when they have had neglectful, absentee, or even abusive earthly dads.
  • Your goal as you lead your children is to prepare them to follow the chief shepherd for the rest of their lives. Therefore, your leadership should point them to the One you are following.
  • Will your children think it is really important to read the Bible if they never see you read yours? Will they consider it a priority to go to church and be involved with God’s people if you send them but don’t go yourself? Will your children speak respectfully of others when they hear the way you speak to your wife? Will they deem it necessary to be honest if they constantly hear you shad the truth or mislead others? Who are you kidding? In reality, what we often communicate to our children is that it is more important to get to football, soccer, or baseball practice regularly than to church. what are you really communicating to your children?

As a father and husband, this book was really convicting and at the same time, incredibly practical when it comes to thinking about living out being the shepherd leader of my home.

Links I Like

Links I Like is a collection of blogs, articles and books I’ve come across recently and thought they were worth sharing. Click here for past Links I Like
  1. The greatest challenge facing high school students. It’s not what you expect.
  2. Brian Dodd on 10 truths about pastors of fast growing churches.
  3. What it costs to be a complementarian.
  4. Bob Franquiz has a NEW resource: The Productive Pastor. I haven’t read it yet, but everything I’ve read from Bob in the past has been amazing. Expecting nothing less about this one.
  5. 7 lessons for next generation leaders.

Links I Like

Links of the Week

  1. Tim Keller on the mission of the church.
  2. Mark Driscoll on When Jesus was actually born.
  3. 7 things highly productive people do.
  4. Bob Franquiz on What keeps churches small.
  5. Trevin Wax on The danger of the podcast pastor.
  6. 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective Pastors
  7. Justin Holcomb on What is complementarian.
  8. Sam Rainer on 10 (unexpected) church trends to surface by 2020.
  9. Top leadership tweeters.
  10. Shaun King on Advice for pastors and church planters. This is gold.
  11. What do you tell your kids about Santa?

Links of the Week

  1. Mike Breen on Why the missional movement will fail part 1 and part 2. Mike has been instrumental in our change to missional communities and this is a huge reason why churches fail in this area. Great insight.
  2. Joe Thorn and (Fake) angry Calvinists.
  3. Ed Stetzer on Denominations.
  4. 12 questions to confirm your calling to plant a church.
  5. Jen Smidt on What is beautiful part 1 and part 2.
  6. Can megachurches be missional?
  7. Trevin Wax on 5 ways to redeem your ride to work.
  8. 10 suggestions to raising Godly children.
  9. Mark Driscoll on Women & ministry.
  10. Top 5 reasons why people don’t give to your church.

Links of the Week

  1. Why conservative churches are growing faster than liberal ones.
  2. The Wall Street Journal on Fraternities and the culture of rape.
  3. Al Mohler on Same sex marriage, God’s vision, and biblical authority.
  4. 10 reasons not to join a church plant. So true.
  5. Wendy Alsup on My journey to Gospel-Centered Womanhood.
  6. What should the sting be for church discipline.
  7. Acts 29 wives on being a church planter’s wife and family part 1 and part 2. If you wonder what it is like to the wife of a church planter, read these.
  8. Ron Edmondson on 7 suggestions when the marriage isn’t working.
  9. Watch The Gospel Coalition main sessions. Some good stuff here.
  10. Noel Heikkinen on the Royal Wedding and an Illusion of Innocence.
  11. C.J. Mahaney’s free ebook on leadership and criticism. Can’t recommend this high enough.
  12. How women lead in a complementarian church.

Links of the Week

  1. Tim Stevens on Sometimes it is better if the pastor stays home
  2. An open letter to the writer of children’s curriculums. I totally agree with J.D.’s sentiments.
  3. 7 thoughts for next generation leaders.
  4. Elliott Grudem on Why arrogance has no place in reformed theology. Really appreciate this and the spirit of this in Acts 29. This doctrine should bring humility and brokenness not arrogance.
  5. Paul Tripp on The danger of self-defense.
  6. Wendy Alsup on Confessions of a conflicted complementarian.
  7. What churches can learn from Southwest Airlines.
  8. Trevin Wax on Radical sacrifice.

Links of the Week

  1. Scott Williams on 5 mistakes ministry leaders make.
  2. How the gospel helps us overcome pornography. This is a must see interview if you struggle with this.
  3. Tim Keller on The family. This is a great post on how we view family and children.
  4. Ed Stetzer on The long term goal of the church is the harvest, not in a disneyfied Sunday morning service.
  5. Rick Warren on How to maximize your time. As he points out, “The difference between successful and average people/leaders is time management.
  6. Are you embracing these church trends? Tony Morgan did a great series with close to 20 church leaders asking them what trends they see in the coming years. Eye opening stuff for leaders, definitely pushed my thinking.
  7. Tim Keller on Spiritual and secular jobs are God’s work.
  8. Jeff Vanderstelt on How a missional community is different from a bible study.
  9. Anthony Bradley on The social costs of pornography. This is an incredibly eye opening study on the effects of pornography.
  10. How applicable is the biblical view of women in today’s culture? Great article by Grace Driscoll on a pretty controversial topic.

Links of the Week

  1. 52 key sermons from John Piper. I am a big John Piper fan and if you are new or have listened to him before, this is a great list. It pulls 52 of his sermons from a variety of topics, a great introductory to John Piper and theology.
  2. J.D. Greear on What is the gospel.
  3. AT&T is acting just like a church. I have verizon and eventually will get an iPhone, but this is pretty interesting look at how AT&T is acting like a lot of churches.
  4. Mark Driscoll on What is idolatry. This is a great article.
  5. Thabiti Anyabwile on I’m a complementarian but women must be taught and they must teach.
  6. Where have all the leaders gone? This is right where I am being challenged right now:  how do we raise up leaders, train people to lead in the world’s they inhabit and be on mission everyday?
  7. Paul Tripp on Parenting is never an interruption.
  8. Matt Carter on Missional Communities. This is really challenging me right now as we think through how to take mission and community to a new level at Revolution.
  9. How and why to do daddy dates. I do these with our kids and Dads, I can’t stress how important this is.
  10. Books every leader should read. I’ve read a lot of these, but this list definitely added to my list.
  11. David Wooten on 10 ways you and your church can be involved in orphan care in 2011. This is definitely something on our hearts and these are some great ideas.
  12. This past week, Tucson was rocked by a tragedy. Here are some thoughts from Kevin DeYoung on The tragedy and God’s gift of moral language.
  13. What is the message of the Bible in one sentence?

Links of the Week

  1. Scott Williams on A question every high capacity leader must ask.
  2. Worship music for kids.
  3. Randy Alcorn on Your marriage preaches some kind of gospel. Do you like the gospel your marriage is preaching to your kids and those around you? This quote is from a great book called Gospel Powered Parenting.
  4. Here is a great video from Scott Thomas on what gospel coaching is and why it matters.
  5. The average first time guest will decide in the first 11 minutes whether or not they are coming back next week. Here are some of the things that help them decide.
  6. Randy Alcorn on The scandal of evangelical dishonesty. This is pretty eye opening, but not surprising.
  7. Gospel centered reader. Here are 24 great articles on the gospel, being gospel centered and other areas of life through the lens of the gospel. So many great resources here.
  8. Mike Rydman on Losing his core group in his church plant and some of the pain that a church planter experiences. Great video interview.
  9. Rick Warren & George Bush discuss leadership imperatives. Right now I’m reading George Bush’s book Decision Points and it is fantastic.
  10. Are virtual office hours the future of office hours?
  11. The story of what God is doing at Redemption Church in Phoenix, AZ.
  12. The way the updated NIV translation came together and the egalitarian slant it has. Another reason we use the ESV.
  13. Darrin Patrick was interviewed at Desiring God recently on his first book Church Planter. You can watch the video here or download the audio here.