Women, It Matters Who You Marry


(Photo credit: Lel4nd)

This past week, as I wrapped up our series Beautiful at Revolution, I preached on Proverbs 31. If you missed it, you can listen to it here.

One of the things that struck me is verse 23 when we are told what her husband is like.

There are many sides and applications to this verse.

The first is to women. I’ll blog another time about fathers and the impact of this verse.

In our culture, we often minimize the impact that comes from who we marry. Whether it is movies, the rise in divorce, the lack of seeing strong marriages as we grow up, but whatever it is, many people seem to minimize the impact of this decision.

Outside of your choice to follow Jesus, who you marry will have more of an impact on your life than any other decision you make.

The woman in Proverbs 31 marries well. She marries a man who is respected. He is at the city gates, with the elders. The gates is where decisions are made. He is part of leading the city and community. He is respected by the others.

Women, if you want marry well, marry a man who is respected by other men.

Men respect men.

Don’t marry a guy you think you will make into a man. That doesn’t happen.

How do you know if you are dating a man or a boy? Here are few ways to find out:

  1. Get him around men you respect. Men can spot men. They can also spot a fake. Women can struggle with this because they fall for a boy and can’t see the truth. Those around you can. Ask men you respect what they think of him. This might be a father, a pastor, someone in your MC, someone who cares about you and wants to see you find a man.
  2. Ask him about his vision for his life. This one question separates men from boys. Men have a vision for their life, which means they will have a vision for your life as a couple. Boys do not. They are simply floating through life waiting for it to happen.
  3. Look at how he worships. Does he read his bible? Does he serve in a church? Does he love Jesus? How does he worship? How does he use his money? How he does these things while you date is exactly what he’ll do when you are married. Most of the time, men will take these things down a notch when they get married, but that’s a post for another day.
  4. Look at his work ethic. Does he have a job? Does he provide for himself? Is he saving money or getting into debt? Men work hard. Men are called to provide (1 Timothy 5:8).

Ladies, marry well.

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Don’t Apologize for the Bible

I preached on Titus 2 this past Saturday at Revolution. Admittedly, it can be uncomfortable preaching on what God calls women to be. For one, I’m not a woman, so I feel a little out of my comfort zone challenging women to do something I’m not called to do or be. It is easy to call men to be men. You also need to be more gentle with women, especially being a man. I believe respond to challenge (women does as well, but differently), call them out, grab them by the throat, they respond and want to step up. As Mark Driscoll says, “Preach to men like a coffee thermos, throw it off a building, drive over it and it does its job. Preach to women like a beautiful wine glass, one that must be handled with care.”

But I’ve noticed something since we started Revolution. One of the things we’ve preached on a lot is marriage, dating and biblical manhood and womanhood. I believe it is one of the most crucial issues in our culture, because no one is sure how to do it. On top of that, the Bible talks about it in numerous places. Most New Testament letters touch on it to one degree or another.

After Saturday and in the past after preaching on this topic, particularly biblical womanhood I get the same comments, “I had no idea that was in the Bible.” Or, “I never understood what that meant.” In most of the reading I’ve done in books or commentaries, or sermons I’ve listened to on the topic of submission or, “working at home” from Titus 2, most of the material is, “Here is what Paul is not saying.” Now, that is an important part of the text. We need to explain what submission is not, the dangers of sin when it comes to submission or male headship, but at some point, the man preaching has to say, “But this is what Paul means, submission means this, male headship means this, working at home means this.”

It isn’t just this topic, it comes out when someone is preaching the idols of the heart, sin, heaven and hell. Don’t apologize for the Bible. Study up, pray up, confess your own sinful motives, then stand up, say what the Bible says, don’t apologize for it, then sit down and let the Holy Spirit does what the Holy Spirit does.

This Weekend @ Revolution: Men & Women & Who We’re Supposed to Be

If you’d like to read ahead for this week, go to Titus 2:1 – 8 as we’ll be preaching from that passage this week.

We kicked off our Christmas offering last Saturday, so be praying about that and how God is calling you to be a part of that.

So, do whatever you have to do to be at Revolution this week (and bring someone with you, you never know how a simple invite can make an eternal difference). An easy way to invite someone is to send them an e-vite.

Remember, we meet at 4:15 & 6pm at 6620 E 22nd St.

See you Saturday.

Links of the Week

  1. Jeff Vanderstelt on The elder qualification we often forget.
  2. Theology a hot issue in GOP race.
  3. Grace Driscoll on a Godly wife, woman, mother & friend.
  4. 6 characteristics of spiritual leadership.
  5. Mark Driscoll on Manhood and the fatherhood of God.
  6. Perry Noble on 10 signs you are near burnout.
  7. 30 ways to be missional in your workplace.
  8. Jonathan Dodson on 25 ways to engage your neighbors.
  9. Tim Keller on Salvation outside of Christ.
  10. Russell Moore takes on Pat Robertson. I thought Robertson was kidding when he said this, but Moore calls him to task on his statement about marriage and divorce.

Links of the Week

  1. Tim Challies on Should Christians embrace evolution?
  2. What Christians hope for in preaching. This was an eye opening article based on a study of 10,000 persons who attend church and what they hope to get from preaching.
  3. 11 books every leader needs to read according to Al Mohler.
  4. D.A. Carson and John Piper on How to teach the Bible confidence.
  5. How boys become Christians men.
  6. Ron Edmondson on how he accomplishes so much. I agree with him on this secret, helps a ton.
  7. A warning to women from a woman concerning marriage.
  8. The New York Times on How the deficit got this big.
  9. Titus 2 is not just a woman’s to do list.
  10. Justin Taylor on It only takes one generation for a church to die.
  11. Beware of romantic pornography. So true.
  12. 9 things your pastor wants to say to you but won’t.
  13. Steven Furtick on Ambition vs. Arrogance.
  14. Kevin DeYoung on biblical manhood. Helpful stuff here, a good preview to our next series at Revolution.
  15. Jeff Vanderstelt on Gospel fluent thinking.
  16. 25 ways to engage your neighbors. As we challenge people at Revolution to be on mission, this is a big part of it.
  17. Motherhood, sacrifice, and worship.

Links of the Week

  1. Can you convince my husband or wife to stay? I get this almost monthly from a man or a woman, it is hard and painful but only Jesus changes hearts.
  2. Mark Driscoll on The gender issue. I believe this is one of the biggest issues facing the American church today and into the future. We need to answer the questions of our culture.
  3. 5 reasons your church isn’t growing.
  4. The gospel coalition on Ministry and depression part 1 and part 2. This is a helpful series as many pastor’s deal with depression.
  5. Motherhood is a calling (and where your children rank). I’m convinced that one of the best places to figure out idols and identities in someone’s life is to look at roles in marriage and parenting. I told a pastor the other day, whenever I preach on it, my email box fills up faster than any other topic, because of the tie to identity and idols.
  6. Why you might be an ear tickling preacher (or an ear tickling church attendee).
  7. Anthony Bradley on Libel is not love. How to criticize well.
  8. Las Vegas church files for bankruptcy. This is not a great message to send. Where is the integrity of this church?
  9. Mobile stats that affect ministry. Churches need to figure out how to be more and more mobile as our world is more and more focused on the mobile web as these stats show.
  10. Matt Chandler, Kevin DeYoung, Jonathan Leeman and Trevin Wax discuss the mission of the church. Definitely worth watching.
  11. Bob Kelleman on Facing depression with Jesus.

Links of the Week

  1. Some helpful responses to the death of Osama Bin Laden: The Resurgence on Loving Your Enemies, John Piper on Is God glad Osama Bin Laden’s dead?, and Justin Taylor on How should Christians think about the death of Osama Bin Laden?
  2. Perry Noble on I’m sorry your life/church is so normal. My thoughts exactly.
  3. Four reasons your church isn’t growing.
  4. Some wives of Acts 29 pastors share how they develop gospel relationships and how much they share with other women in the church. This is a tough balance as a pastor and wife, to develop community but also to know what to share and with whom.
  5. Sam Storms on What forgiveness is and is not.
  6. Practical tips for expository preaching from Alistair Begg.
  7. Bob Franquiz on Don’t preach to Mom on mother’s day. As crazy as that sounds, Bob is right on.
  8. Susan Hunt on Redeeming Womanhood. Katie and I just taught on this last week and these are some great resources on what biblical womanhood is.
  9. Matt Chandler on Is church membership biblical. This is a great look at what matters in relating to a community of Christians.
  10. Mark Driscoll on How to know if you are called to plant a church.
  11. Russell Moore on Remember the infertile on Mother’s Day.

Top Posts of April 2011

In case you missed them, here are the top posts for the month of April:

  1. 15 Ways to Improve Your Marriage
  2. Love Wins: A Book about Heaven, Hell & the Fate of Every Person who Ever Lived
  3. Sin, Adultery & Falling out of Ministry
  4. Living In Gospel-Centered Community On Mission
  5. The Role of Men in the Family
  6. Planning a Preaching Calendar
  7. Kids in Church
  8. What Guys Think about Modesty
  9. Adoption Puzzle
  10. The Sacrifice of Motherhood

Recommended Resources on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

Tonight, I preached on Biblical manhood and womanhood from Genesis 2 – 3. Katie joined me on stage to share her two cents and as always did an unbelievable job of painting a picture of what the gospel can do in a woman’s life and a woman of God is called to be. I’m so proud of the journey she’s been on and what God has done in her life. She really is a great example to women of what it means to be a strong woman of God. Too many people think biblical womanhood means you are a doormat or push over with no opinion. I love that Katie can kill that perception.

There are a ton of books on marriage, what a man or woman are supposed to be. Over the 9 years that Katie and I have been married, we have read probably close to 50 books on these topics. Below are our favorites and the ones that have been the most helpful to us and challenged us in our marriage. Hope this list helps.

Links of the Week

  1. Why conservative churches are growing faster than liberal ones.
  2. The Wall Street Journal on Fraternities and the culture of rape.
  3. Al Mohler on Same sex marriage, God’s vision, and biblical authority.
  4. 10 reasons not to join a church plant. So true.
  5. Wendy Alsup on My journey to Gospel-Centered Womanhood.
  6. What should the sting be for church discipline.
  7. Acts 29 wives on being a church planter’s wife and family part 1 and part 2. If you wonder what it is like to the wife of a church planter, read these.
  8. Ron Edmondson on 7 suggestions when the marriage isn’t working.
  9. Watch The Gospel Coalition main sessions. Some good stuff here.
  10. Noel Heikkinen on the Royal Wedding and an Illusion of Innocence.
  11. C.J. Mahaney’s free ebook on leadership and criticism. Can’t recommend this high enough.
  12. How women lead in a complementarian church.