Last week I read Voddie Baucham’s book What He must be…if he Wants to Marry my Daughter. I read it for a few reasons. One, it went with my last sermon in our series on the book of Nehemiah. Two, it was one of the books I wanted to read for our series in July The Perfect Kid. Three, the idea of Ava getting married one day scares me to death. I think I’m scared for a few reasons: I remember what I was like in high school and college and I don’t want that guy anywhere near my daughter, and I have never seen parents actual do this well.
What Voddie points out and I have to agree from experience. Parents are more involved with their daughter’s choice of college than they are in her choice of a husband. Which one is more important? The answer is obvious, but we let daughters go it alone.
After reading the book, I am actually excited about the role and responsibility that God has given me as a father in raising sons worth marrying and helping Ava navigate the arena of choosing a husband. I love the one chapter title, “Don’t send a woman to do a man’s job.” His point is that we allow and expect our daughters to do what God has called fathers to do.
Voddie walks through how to help your daughter find a man worth marrying. Just because “he is a anatomical man, and a Christian does not make him worth marrying.” Wow. He also walks through how to raise sons worth marrying.
The application of this book is huge. For parents, what plan do you have to help your daughter know what to do, how to choose a husband, what criteria will uphold, what things will you highlight as things worth going after and what qualities will you show as not worth it. How will you raise your sons? Ironically, this was a huge part of the book because the church and our culture have no idea how to raise boys to become men. We do everything in our power to make men into women and then wonder why there are no men. Not chauvinistic, power hungry pigs, but men. Not boys who live at home, play video games and aren’t sure if they want to get married before turning 30, but men.
This also would be helpful for single men to read to see what they should be striving for as a Godly man and for single women to get an idea of what you should be looking for in a Godly man. The criteria needs to be more than breathing and a Christian. Otherwise, “you get what you pay for” as the saying goes.
Before reading this book, my plan was to talk with Ava and pray. After reading this book, I see how important my role is and how active I am supposed to be in training and teaching her about what she should look for and helping her see blind spots. Think about it. Most men ask a girl’s father for a girl’s hand in marriage. But how many father’s actually know enough about the man to say yes or no? I will know enough to say yes or no.