Two weeks ago at Revolution we opened up a topic that is not talked about in enough churches: porn, sexual addiction and adultery. It was hard to preach through, but it has been a message that has caused a lot of conversations among couples.
It definitely struck a chord in our church (you can listen to the talk here).
I was very honest and open in my talk about our journey. When I was 10, I was at a birthday party and the guys dad thought it was time for all of us 10 year olds to learn about sex and women, so he brought down a box of porn. That began for me an addiction that lasted until I was 22.
My talk came out of the journey that Katie and I experienced as we tried to heal, move forward, understand the reasons why (ironically, this is the last thing people talk about, the why, but I believe until you understand that you will have a difficult time finding freedom), and how to heal our marriage and find trust, integrity and purity.
I can honestly say, this was the hardest thing we have ever done, but worth doing. What came out of this journey is a stronger relationship, honesty, trust, purity. We put many different boundaries and protections in place in our lives to keep us pure. We have accountability we didn’t have 7 years ago because our marriage is worthwhile.
The most common questions we got after the talk were, “Is it possible to be free?” and “What does a wife do, how does she handle it?”
Yes, it is possible to be free. It will take a lot of work, prayer, some drastic changes in your life, but you can find freedom and have eyes only for your wife. Our life is a walking example. Like any addict, we celebrate 7 years of freedom!
To answer the second question, Katie did something that I am very proud of her for doing. She walked through our journey, her journals, her heart and shared them on her blog. These are must reads for any guy who is addicted to porn and any wife who suspects or knows her husband is and she is trying to find answers or healing.
Here are the posts:
- Is porn or sexual addiction a problem in your marriage?
- Understanding your man’s sexuality: eyes.
- Understanding your man’s sexuality: He feels love between the sheets.
- His sexual addiction is NOT about you.
- His sexual addiction is NOT about you (part 2).
- Rebuilding your marriage after his sexual addiction.
- A call to helpmate…After your husband’s sexual addiction.
If you need some more resources to help you through this journey, here are some that have been incredibly helpful to us.
One thing I learned through preaching on this is that enough churches do not talk about this. Statistically, over 80% of the men in your church are dealing with this. The stats are crazy and the church needs to step up to the plate, call men to integrity, help couples find freedom and answers and healing.
I’m going to step off my soap box now.