Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage

Tonight was our launch as Revolution church. It was awesome. We started our series Pure Sex on the Song of Solomon and I set up the series by talking about the roles in a relationship/marriage, what men and women need most (not what you think) and how that plays out, why it often misses its mark and leads to problems and how to make it work.

One of the books I read was Rocking the Roles by Robert Lewis. It is a great read, quick, to the point, great examples. What he seeks to do is to throw out the traditional view of marriage (husband “rules” over wife) and the roleless marriage (we split things 50/50) because neither work or are biblical. What he comes to is somewhere in the middle, which is difficult because that creates tension. But for a marriage to succeed, I believe that is where you need to live.  

Here are some thoughts:

  • The roleless marriage is little more than a myth
  • The trend among married couples today is to downplay, if not eliminate, clearly defined roles. Is that a helpful development? Not really. The roleless ideal sounds noble, but it failes to deviler on its bright promises. It usually ends up in chaos.
  • If you want your marriage to succeed, you have to feel complete confidence and clarity about who does what and why. Without such understanding, you’ll never feel satisfied.
  • As far as Scripture is concerned, roles address one’s responsibility, not one’s rank.
  • A biblical marriage is a perfect blend of structure and equality, offering balance and beauty.
  • In refusing to take charge or control, a wife is reinforcing her husband’s leadership role rather than robbing him of it. Her submission gently but clearly reaffirms what he has agreed to do and what she has agreed not to do. In the end, submission helps a man become a responsible husband and leader.
  • Where wives seek to lead, husbands leave.

It was really helpful as you think through what you are core needs and roles in a marriage. This is the area that drives many couples nuts and I think the reason so many marriages split or are unhappy. Definitely worth checking out, really practical.