Being a Pastors Wife Part 5

Many churches (and pastors for that matter) do not know what to do with pastor’s wives, how to treat them, what role they play or how important they are. While Revolution (and myself) has struggled just like every other church to figure this out, I believe Katie and I have figured some things out that we have put into place which will prove to be invaluable in the future. While this is not exclusive to pastors, any leader in a church and for that matter, any husband can do better in understanding their wives and how to engage them.

Originally, this was only going to be 4 posts but because of what I preached on tonight I Revolution, I decided to add this 5th post. If you want to see the previous posts, go here to see part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 4.

Judging from the response from tonight I struck a chord, and I hope to do the same here.

I talk to many wives and Katie and I have had this conversation as well. In our culture, it is seen as a step down to be a wife and a mom. I have watched people ask Katie what she does and for awhile she felt embarrassed to say she was a wife and a mom. As if someone who is a wife and a mom is in capable of doing anything else with their lives.

Or, as someone asked me, “Why would Katie give up her dreams to be a wife and a mom?” I think that question is the crux of it all. To be a wife and a mom requires a sacrifice, a sacrifice that I do not fully understand, but do my best to fully appreciate and hold up.

I was struck by this thought tonight as I preached. I looked around and saw the fact that we have more than doubled in size in the last 5 months. In the last 3 months we have baptized 10 people. I can point to people on our launch team, people who have moved to Tucson to make Revolution happen and tell you about the sacrifice they all have made and continue to make. They are heroes to me. But, they don’t have the choice or the opportunity to do that if 10 years ago Katie doesn’t make the decision to put her dreams on hold and support me and be a wife and a mom to the best of her ability.

How do I know that? If she stayed in school and finished her math/engineering degree (another misnomer is that if you stay home you must be stupid, think again), we either don’t get married or we get married and live in Missouri while she finishes school, which means I don’t get my master’s or go on staff at the church I worked at in Maryland. This changes the complete trajectory of our lives.

So, last night I looked at Katie and said the only words I could say, “thank you. Thank you for sacrificing your dreams to be part of a dream of raising our kids for them to make in impact. Thank you for supporting me and sticking by me to get Revolution off the ground.” I always joke with Katie that her house will be bigger in heaven but I am now convinced that she will also get to live in the gated community while I live in the slums. Still in heaven but she will have to invite me over for a visit.

So, the next time you see a woman who is “just” a wife and a mom know that she is holding onto a bigger, eternal dream. That is what is driving her. Husbands, do not let anyone say your wife is “just” a wife and a mom. If they do, do what Nehemiah did in verse 25 of chapter 13. It’s biblical.

And, always, always tell your wife thanks for the work she does. Without Katie, what I enjoy and love about life does not exist. That’s a perspective I don’t want to forget.